There’s so much to say about burnout at the moment — everyone is trying to juggle everything, feeling behind, and then somehow deciding it’s a personal failing. ‘If only I was more organised…’ ‘if only I managed my time better…’ as if the whole system isn’t already stacked against us. January is a particularly gloomy month to try and get through.
But the truth is we can’t do it all, and most of us aren’t — not without hidden or very visible costs.
As a working mum, my time boundaries have always been pretty clear. I’m either at work or with my son most of the time (with a limited space left for me time). I can’t do both at once, and I don’t try unless in an ’emergency’. Trying to work with a small person around has never been easy, and why would it? Very boring to watch mum on a laptop. I’ve also been lucky with maternity leave and flexible working so I can do the drop offs and attend the school plays. This should be the norm, but here we are and I don’t take that for granted.
Finishing bits of work in the evening when he’s asleep doesn’t bother me. I like my job. It feels meaningful. His dad does pick-ups, I do drop-offs, and it works.
Once logistics are sorted, it can be quite straight forward. The harder bit for me is the emotional boundary — the part where you don’t carry the whole day home with you and your nervous system is not on high alert from the stress of work. We’re replaceable at work and not at home, yet when you care about what you do and take pride in doing it well, that investment can come at a cost.
The Emotional Impact of the Juggle:
There have been times where every day started with a cortisol spike. The school drop-off dash. Rushing to the car. Racing to the office, setting up teams and being on time for the first meeting. Full on day, then the end-of-day scramble to finish something so I could get home in time for dinner and not sit in traffic swearing at the world.
The work wasn’t the problem. It was the ability to swich off after. Trying not to bring that wired, high-alert energy into the house, to keep rehearsing work that needs to be finished when building lego.
Trying to switch off when your brain is still going at 100mph and be present. It links to the idea of ‘one thing at a time’ I talked about in an earlier blog.
A shift in my role — with more remote working — has helped and wasn’t an accident as I looked for things to help lower the stress levels last year. It’s given me a bit more breathing room with no traffic. But it’s still something I have to keep an eye on because the demands are different but vast.
Burnout Isn’t Just About Doing Too Much — It’s About How You Feel While Doing It
Sometimes it’s not what you do but how you feel when you do it that causes the issues. Working extra now and then is fine. Working extra while feeling resentful, overwhelmed, or permanently stressed is what does the damage.
A few things I’ve seen push people over the edge:
- Feeling like the workload is impossible no matter what you do
- Doing “just a bit more” every night and hating it
- Living in a constant state of stress
- Caring deeply in a place where you don’t feel valued
- Forgetting that work matters, but it’s not the whole story
Three Questions I Use to Check Myself
These help me notice if I’ve given too much of myself in any given week:
- How did I feel about the extra time I worked this week?
- What did I enjoy this week?
- What stopped me from mentally switching off after work?
- What helped keep my stress down?
A Final Thought
It’s completely fine to finish something in the evening when you want to. It’s great to enjoy your work. But when the mental toll of what you’re trying to do starts hitting too hard, it’s time for a pause. We can’t work like we don’t have families and have families as if we don’t work. I am hard on myself and I know a lot of working mums that are. When we don’t have patience, we’ve stretched ourselves too thin. But remember, we are all doing our best and the fact that you’re even asking if its enough, means you are doing a great job.
Boundaries don’t get worn down overnight, and they don’t rebuild overnight either. But raising your awareness — and flipping the narrative back to where am I irreplaceable? — can calm the nervous system that’s trying to do too much.
Coachingwithjen 